 I say "No Biggie!" I am not going to give you any reasons, or try and worm my way out of it, or wriggle and writhe until I fit into a comfortable space of reasonable explanation or justification. I give myself permission to "fail"... because I really don't see it as a failing, I see it as a reflection of my character and who I am and how I operate. In fact, I have learnt something very valuable about pressure. I have learnt that when I feel like I am required to act out of duty or obligation, this rings up massive amounts of resistance in me. I feel pressure, and this makes me feel squashed and stifled. So, even though I love writing, and it flows easily in an effortless way, the fact that I felt I had to do it, made me not want to do it. So, does this mean that I can only fulfil a task if I don't attach any condition to it? Now that I don't have to do it, I wonder if I will do it with love and total willingness? Will I be a happier and more frequent blogger if I am coming from a place passion, rather than pressure? Also, who was the pressure from? No one was forcing me to do this, I just came up with this 30 day blog concept myself, so it was completely self-made pressure! Do I really need to be placing pressure on myself in these times where we are immersed and clouded and submerged with social, family, media, personal, political, environmental, financial, cosmetic, domestic pressures... to name but a few! Also, I wonder if you are probably thinking, "Well, if you can't even do something simple like commit to writing a blog for 30 days consistently, there's not much hope for you, love!" And to this, I reply... Hope for what? Success? Ticking Boxes? Sense of achievement? Accomplishment? Well, all I know is that everything I do, say, or think has a significance. There is always something to learn, something to observe, something to ponder upon and to grow from, and this deep examination comes not only from "doing" things, but also from NOT doing things. So, by not completely "succeeding" in my task, I have succeeded in revealing an aspect of myself that I can make peace with. This aspect is called BOREDOM! I get bored and irritated easily when I have to do something or be with someone that I feel a duty or an "obligation" towards. Obligation to me now, translates as inauthenticity. So, thankfully, the emotion of boredom, has now taught me that when I feel it I can use it as a reminder and opportunity to change the dynamic. To create a new space, or boundary based on honesty, integrity, passion and truth. It's a blessing to be able turn a blind and unconscious duty into a visible conscious action. This realisation is one that I will take forwards into my life from now on. I will not just think before I act, but I will feel. I will ask the important question of "how do I feel?", and report and offer my feelings as a platform for my actions. When I offer my feelings, I place myself in a vulnerable but completely open position, where there are no hiding places, there are no nooks and crannies for sneaky marbles of deception, guilt, remorse, or resentment can roll off into and get stuck. Being vulnerable and completely open like a delicate flower in bloom is a beautiful part of me that is natural and conscious. This is me. Stripped down, naked and at your mercy. I have allowed the steam to escape from my pressure cooker, my lid is off, and I am now cooling down and will soon be ready to be served up and devoured. |
 |
|||||||
 
|
|
 |
|||||
    |
|||||||
